melancholia

Definitely doomed

I'm finding it kind of hard to be alive in the world right now and when I think about having kids I think I should probably definitely only have none or one (but Elsie wants two) because everything is terrible and the planet is doomed. I know things are always this awful (aren't they?), I'm just less able to ignore it at the moment. Is the news always this depressing?! Yes.

Like, why does no one care about where the clothes they buy come from? Why do so many people still eat meat? Why did I buy Burger King last week and why the eff does a (salad) burger need so many layers of packaging? Who is the asshole who invented individually wrapped pitted prunes? Are you fucking kidding me? All my friends are pretty 'switched on' about stuff, so why do they not give a shit that they buy clothes that are made by people in Bangladesh for twenty cents a day by companies that have no qualms about destroying the environment and their workers and AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH WE ARE DEFINITELY ALL GOING TO DIE. Seriously, how can people who care about feminism and human rights actively support industries that trade IN HUMAN MISERY. I guess everything trades in human misery. I know that just because I buy all my clothes second-hand doesn't mean I'm not an asshole in other ways. Mum, can I have a fair-trade MP3 player for my birthday? Made from minerals that are sustainably mined? Yeah sure.

Everything is terrible and I really don't want to see the end of the world because I wouldn't be chill like Kirsten Dunst, I would lose my shit and cry and scream.

// but then I have spent the last few years drinking and having fun and ignoring all these things so I'm not exactly modelcitizen and when is my guilt gonna translate into action //

Reasons for wanting extension on assignments:

-in love triangle, v. confused

-questioning sexuality. was gay now maybe have to identify as bisexual question mark exclamation mark question mark

-feel like ian curtis want to hang myself

-am maybe not human


(an exhaustive list by Daniela and Elsie)

I should change the title of this blog to 'Losing Followers'

New Directionz

Feel like this blog should be less sincere, and should have words like 'totez' in it more. Not saying that using words like 'totez' negates sincerity. Just feel like (lyk?) I will be less embarrassed by this blog if it has more pictures of funny animals, and fewer sentimental/self-pitying filler. New ratio: 1 Personal detail: 1 Hilarious Picture.

I have been feeling dizzy a lot:

My nose bled for the first time. Paranoid about illness again:

Metallic flakes in my mouth / I am a balloon

The urge I sometimes get to be other people is pretty strong right now. Sometimes I really wish I was into team sports and I spent five days a week training with my team in the dark, wearing funny shorts and breathing steam everywhere. A lot of times I wish I was rich and stayed in hotels with room service and went to weird continental breakfasts in the hotel dining room with coffee refills and cups already on the table. The other night I watched Room in Rome, then I wished I was a thin Russian or Spanish woman, and I wished again that I had a continental breakfast. I went to Mosgiel and I wished that I had a grandparent/was a grandparent who lived in a subdivision and had little ornaments and a garage that was attached to the house.

Climbing Up the Walls

is my *fave* song right now and I listen to it a million times and the best time I listened to it was on Monday night at 4am with Laura (from acclaimed indie band O'Lovely). I lay in bed every night til you could hear birds and now I have fevers and I am melting into dust because the electric blanket is always on too long. Pretty sure I only blog when I am sick, blame it on the delirium. I fell asleep on The Picture of Dorian Gray and Other Writings and crinkled the pages*