3

robots are the perfect form
man and woman are no more
cyborg androgyny is da best

i am an alien

what is sex?!

daddy issues

i hate john key

he's secretly a psychopath

people who vote ACT deserve to be dead

if you're young and conservative why are you even alive

i am mad because people have no brains

no

heart and soul

john banks is a homophobe and i want to rub his smarmy face in my hairy armpits

want to bash the white male ruling class to death

fk patriarchy and capitalism yo

put 'yo' to lessen sincerity

"My mum said 'patriarchy', I say 'intersectionality' "

for a brighter future, vote National

Dirty mirrors dirty mirrors

Loveless

Rules of Attraction
: there is room in my lap for bruises, asses, handclaps

I am a baby / I am old

aaahhhhhh wanna be rich and thin why am i not american, why don’t i live in Colorado, wanna be talented wanna be esteemed yo rely on your intellect if you have any, live in dunedin and never do anything

melancholia

Definitely doomed

I'm finding it kind of hard to be alive in the world right now and when I think about having kids I think I should probably definitely only have none or one (but Elsie wants two) because everything is terrible and the planet is doomed. I know things are always this awful (aren't they?), I'm just less able to ignore it at the moment. Is the news always this depressing?! Yes.

Like, why does no one care about where the clothes they buy come from? Why do so many people still eat meat? Why did I buy Burger King last week and why the eff does a (salad) burger need so many layers of packaging? Who is the asshole who invented individually wrapped pitted prunes? Are you fucking kidding me? All my friends are pretty 'switched on' about stuff, so why do they not give a shit that they buy clothes that are made by people in Bangladesh for twenty cents a day by companies that have no qualms about destroying the environment and their workers and AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH WE ARE DEFINITELY ALL GOING TO DIE. Seriously, how can people who care about feminism and human rights actively support industries that trade IN HUMAN MISERY. I guess everything trades in human misery. I know that just because I buy all my clothes second-hand doesn't mean I'm not an asshole in other ways. Mum, can I have a fair-trade MP3 player for my birthday? Made from minerals that are sustainably mined? Yeah sure.

Everything is terrible and I really don't want to see the end of the world because I wouldn't be chill like Kirsten Dunst, I would lose my shit and cry and scream.

// but then I have spent the last few years drinking and having fun and ignoring all these things so I'm not exactly modelcitizen and when is my guilt gonna translate into action //

Reasons for wanting extension on assignments:

-in love triangle, v. confused

-questioning sexuality. was gay now maybe have to identify as bisexual question mark exclamation mark question mark

-feel like ian curtis want to hang myself

-am maybe not human


(an exhaustive list by Daniela and Elsie)

I should change the title of this blog to 'Losing Followers'

New Directionz

Feel like this blog should be less sincere, and should have words like 'totez' in it more. Not saying that using words like 'totez' negates sincerity. Just feel like (lyk?) I will be less embarrassed by this blog if it has more pictures of funny animals, and fewer sentimental/self-pitying filler. New ratio: 1 Personal detail: 1 Hilarious Picture.

I have been feeling dizzy a lot:

My nose bled for the first time. Paranoid about illness again:

Metallic flakes in my mouth / I am a balloon

The urge I sometimes get to be other people is pretty strong right now. Sometimes I really wish I was into team sports and I spent five days a week training with my team in the dark, wearing funny shorts and breathing steam everywhere. A lot of times I wish I was rich and stayed in hotels with room service and went to weird continental breakfasts in the hotel dining room with coffee refills and cups already on the table. The other night I watched Room in Rome, then I wished I was a thin Russian or Spanish woman, and I wished again that I had a continental breakfast. I went to Mosgiel and I wished that I had a grandparent/was a grandparent who lived in a subdivision and had little ornaments and a garage that was attached to the house.

Climbing Up the Walls

is my *fave* song right now and I listen to it a million times and the best time I listened to it was on Monday night at 4am with Laura (from acclaimed indie band O'Lovely). I lay in bed every night til you could hear birds and now I have fevers and I am melting into dust because the electric blanket is always on too long. Pretty sure I only blog when I am sick, blame it on the delirium. I fell asleep on The Picture of Dorian Gray and Other Writings and crinkled the pages*

Wish it was the 1970s or I lived in Miami

Seriously, when I mean "am in sleepwear 80% of the time", I mean this is how I am usually dressed. I didn't even mean to come up with this sweet layering thing, totally accidental. Dunedin Fashun 2011 - all the trendz in one outfit: fake crochet pants, velvet, leopard print, 'boyfriend shirt', ugg boots, hoodie + laptop and green tea = in vogue

May Sobfest

Dear Diary,

I realise this has become extra shit lately; I never post and when I do it is boring. Plus, the layout is hideous and it is just a generally pretty ugly blog. I feel bad about that, but I am probably not going to do much to improve it. I smell like MSG and I'm in sleepwear 80% of the time and most days the furthest I get from my house is the superette, if I leave the house at all.

Today I had to take myself out for coffee because I feel like I might go crazy/stop bathing if I stay indoors much longer. It was the highlight of my week, so I guess I am a loser. I've adopted this new sleep routine, which is don't, until 7am, and then sleep til 1pm, and then your brain doesn't start functioning until 10pm, at which point you go on the internet. I'm basically a hermit-girl and have given up on myself, just waiting for my butt to fuse to the desk-chair and my fingertips to merge with the keyboard. I have a four thousand word essay due in three hours and I am on one thousand words. I'm not very good at math, but I think that is bad.
If I start having some 'life experiences' again any time soon, maybe this blog will get marginally better.

xoxo

Wish my life was more drama-filled

Do aliens exist? Are German films better than French ones? Am I bored? Do I spend too much time on the internet?

Is blogspot still relevant in the tumblr age? Is Roswell as compelling for this generation of pre-teens as it was for me?

A Poem About Never Drinking Again

My eyeballs are way too hot
Gonna spend all day reclining
<3 my laptop
Wearing ma fave jersey
That my mum says looks like a "horse blanket"
h8 my mum

Smoke curls/phlegm city

Coughing up blood and sleeping with an inhaler under my pillow. This is what it's like to have the black lung. Would just smoke if I knew this was going to happen.

UNRQTD

Pretty much in love, and it suxx. I always have about five rotating crushez, but THIS IS THE WORST. Think about ______ all the time. Plotting seduction techniques/ways to extricate ___ from ___ ___friend. Not 'extricate' per se, don't want bad karma yo, maybe just convince that monogamy is overreated/conservative/harmful to a radical sexual politics? Don't know how to deal with this. Will turn to women's magazines for advice.

Things I Hate

1. Staying inside so long that your brain turns to mush and you want to explode

2. Being bored/not being able to do what you feel like doing

3. Clogged drains

4. That feeling you get after you eat deep-fried food

5. Feelings of frustration

Things I Like

1. Street lights reflecting onto my bedroom wall

2. Reading the newspaper and drinking coffee, because it reminds me of my mother. We'd do this before work and school when I lived with her/before her newspaper subscription got cancelled. I'm too poor for a subscription and I hate the Otago Daily Times, but I buy a Christchurch Press on Wednesdays and Saturdays and a Sunday Star Times.

3. Eating things that are crunchy

4. Waking up in a clean bedroom

5. The view from my house: the top of a church steeple from my bathroom window; the lights on a nearby hill from my lounge window.

Influential

I should write more posts about Things That Suck (see below).

http://adweek.blogs.com/adfreak/2011/02/new-zealand-polices-cougar-ads-are-pulled.html

Into the water

Feel like I'm fifteen again and want to cry. Rather be running down city streets than sitting here; my eyes hurt too much. That kind of desperate feeling when you want to tell weird people and strangers too much about your personal life. Fifteen year old me would probably write a diary entry - I was always scared of forgetting my life. Sit and watch TV until my brain goes fuzzy. Lucky I'm here alone, the havoc I would wreak if I were drinking doesn't bear thinking about. Too old to embarrass myself anymore. My lungs are filled with sludge.

Was going to mention that I've listened to 'Running like a Man' by Wet Wings about 10 times in the past half hour, then thought, omg what if Wet Wings reads this and that would be soo embarrassing, so decided against it, then decided against better judgement and am mentioning it anyway. I just read this line on the blog 'People are just people': "I have scars on my left arm because I am right-handed" and I thought it was funny and true. Although some people can be ambidextrous. I am only when it comes to scars, my writing with my left hand is way more illegible than my normal writing, but I've been practising in case I ever have a stroke.

Things that Suck

This police recruitment ad sucks. I see shit like this and can't help but think, who the hell sat in their office and thought this would be a good idea? Ha, look at the funny, rapey, paedophilic undertones of this ad! People are gonna think the police force is such a lolz, fun, hip and 'relaxed' place to work! We're not 'PC', we're cool! Fuck you, NZ Police. You suck. Because this comment is just so nuanced and well articulated, I'll link to the post that inspired it, in case anyone wants a slightly lengthier response: http://ideologicallyimpure.wordpress.com/2011/01/24/james-whitaker-challenges-greg-oconnor-for-worst-police-spokesman-role/

While I'm on the subject of things that I've read and become aggrieved over, this: http://thestandard.org.nz/guest-post-why-the-left-needs-feminism-ii/

It's now 2am, 5 hours since I started this post. And unfortunately, I've somewhat lost my train of thought. Something about when I used to hang out with all these anarchists/anarcho-communists/activists back when I was seventeen and still had dreams (sob). Looking back on it now, that environment wasn't always women-friendly, and feminism certainly wasn't at the forefront of the group's consciousness, although there were definitely feminists there. For example, a man who had been accused of sexual assault was a frequent visitor to the social centre where all this left-radicalism was supposedly based, and while he may not have been guilty, it didn't exactly result in a safe and positive space for everyone. Also, only about 3 women really hung out there, in contrast to the 10+ men who did so on a regular basis. Nothing inherently problematic in that alone, but my experience of left-wing activism then wasn't one that fully embraced feminist ideals.

Blah, blah, blah. I should have titled this 'I Was A Teenaged Anarchist'. I have to get up and fly to Wellington tomorrow, so l8r babezz. Wondering whether I should pop some quetiapine for the ride, I hate take-off. My parents never should have let me watch Alive when I was five.

Close Encounters

I am going to go to sleep and dream of alien invasions. I am sleeping on the floor of my brother's room because I don't have a bedroom, and my computer is casting eerie artificial light on the walls, illuminating the fake chicken which is hanging off the lightshade in a fashion reminiscent of a scene from an abattoir. It reminds me of the upside-down chicken carcass sculpture in the Ron Mueck exhibition, which I saw yesterday. It was pouring with rain when I went and it took us a long time to find a car park. Maybe even longer than we spent inside the art gallery. That chicken sculpture with its neck-gash repulsed me, and made me pleased to be a vegetarian. My favourite piece was Pregnant Woman, because I saw a lot of strength in it. I even thought I saw her move, but I do often have visual impairments.
Back to the aliens. It is very windy outside, and I think wind is the creepiest kind of weather, so it is easy to imagine a spaceship sweeping down from the sky and hovering above my house. I love 1970s science-fiction films. Maybe I want to dream of aliens because I had a disappointing evening, engaging in several behaviours which I have vowed to stop but constantly repeat. To escape my frustration, I drift into daydreams and night ones.

Flashy Images

Prolific

If only I didn't spend all my time:
a) Engaged in frenzied (but not always) parties
b) Alone at home, lamenting my lack of success as an inhabitant of this earth/waiting for the next party to happen,
perhaps I would get more culture-jamming done. All you really need is a permanent marker and sense of fearlessness. I, unfortunately, have neither.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Culture_jamming

Thanks, Wikipedia.

P.S. I realise that my blogging style has become incredibly lazy; substituting thought, consideration and insight for flashy images. I had hoped none of my five readers (approx.) would realise this also, but I see now that that may be wishful thinking. I'm counting on my return to tertiary education to inspire me to better myself and thus this blog, which it surely will, as angst and procrastination are inherent in the lives of university students. Currently all I have to worry about is nothing, and so my hypochondria is in serious overdrive. And nobody wants to hear about that.

Build a wall of books between us in our bed

Remember when I was so strange and likeable

Appetite for Destruction*

Casual vandalism, petty theft. Down with fashion, up with passion. Rhyming doesn't make you cool.

*Hate myself for Guns 'N Roses reference.