bleak as / lie in bed four hours after waking up feeling like you swallowed a sock / and your mouth is hot / and you might get suffocated by the pile of shit in your bed/table: four books, i'll read none, paper to write letters to friends you neglect, notebook you keep to remember your life but you don't remember and you feel too ashamed to write anything true / clammy hands and five years of mascara never washed off coats your eyeballs like cataracts