i forgot what i wanted to write. i thought that if i opened up a page, stuff would come out. just got back to christchurch from sydney a few hours ago. didn't die in plane crash, didn't have an aneurysm, didn't bleed from anywhere. all in all, a success. sucked saying goodbye to mum. didn't cry. tears in eyes, didn't roll down cheek. hate that. happened also in melbourne, while watching This Is England 88 with Dan. we both cried at the two same bits. so in synch. n'synch. i love daniel. i would have no friends if it weren't for him. NYE 2008 4EVA. where were YOU?? nah, probably would have met everyone eventually. christchurch is small. gbm. st albans. "community". anyway, mum. i was really used to not seeing her, but now i feel like i don't know how i manage to not see her for ages. probably won't see her until december, if she flies back for my graduation. i guess that time will go fast, but right now it sucks. at the airport duty free lounge i sprayed several cardboard samples with fragrances my friends wear. so creepy. endearing? creepy. i hope that one day, in twenty years, someone smells a stranger walk by wearing dolce and gabbana, 'the one' (for men) and think, "oh Daniela!" yearn for me, dix. like that time i though josh was in the supermarket before i remembered that other people can buy '1 million', but for a second my brain forgot he lives in london.
it's weird that i can be in one country and then three hours later be back in this place and it feels like i've never been anywhere else. the magic of flight. routine takes hold pretty quickly, maybe that's a good thing. kind of looking forward to getting back to dunedin, kind of not. everywhere becomes a cave eventually.

australia ruled. got to have coffee and weird fake meat burgers with David, saw Rob, stayed with J-ho, and spent a lot of time with dan and jules and will and hannah and brit. melbourne is way flatter than i thought it was. last time i went to sydney i was fifteen and i thought it had a soulless vibe. i also was really into placebo and fluorescent plastic jewellery though, so dunno how valid fifteen-year-old-me's opinions were. got really good vibes this time. so many babes and bookstores. gelato everywhere. skyscrapers and glass and metal and stone and brick piled on top of each other = good. don't think i'll ever make it as a travel writer huh. too much in my head. listening to glass vaults and fleetwood mac. fleetwood mac is sad, right? a lot of times, i say a song is really sad and no one else thinks it is. what makes a song sad? lyrics? melody? biographical details i reckon. fleetwood mac is sad because you know they were all wrapped up in a torrid love/rejection/regret/pain thing. nirvana is sad, obviously. glass vaults is atmospheric and sounds like a big empty space and experiences that you can't go back to. fever ray is sad because i listened to it having sex then fighting and walking in the rain, now it is "so profound". kurt vile is sad because it's daniel's room and the airport bus that you sit on for ages by yourself after saying goodbye to people you adore and get on so well with and never live in the same city as.
i have to pee but i don't want to get up so i'm going to go to sleep before i have to.